Paleo Chocolate Peanut Butter Pudding + Desserts in Jars Cookbook Giveaway

The best part of eating clean are the cheat days, and the best part of having children is when you can turn them into your own personal indentured servants. It’s all about the payoff, and I look forward to the day when I have kids to vacuum and clean up dead squirrels from the front porch, because I am TOO FANCY for such things.

Paleo Chocolate Peanut Butter Pudding

And the best part of being a food blogger is the swag for just cooking up stuff and writing about slave labor. My friend Isabel over at Family Foodie invited me to a Desserts in Jars party she was hosting at Datz Dough, a new pastry-centric restaurant spinoff from the highly acclaimed Datz Delicatessen in Tampa, FL. They have boozy milkshakes there. Just…just let that thought marinate a minute.

Desserts In Jars

 

The event was to celebrate Datz’s induction of various desserts in jars as inspired by Shaina Olmanson‘s newest cookbook, Desserts in Jars. Their newest menu items include Shaina’s peanut butter cup cupcake, caramel crème cheesecake, pull apart cinnamon bread, cherry almond crumble, and lemon meringue pie with thyme shortbread crust.

 

Desserts in Jars

*Pictures from Desserts in Jars cookbook

 

All of these recipes and more are in the above aforementioned cookbook, and I am giving it away to one lucky winner! To qualify, use the RaffleCopter below to enter.

 

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Riceless Veggie Fried Rice (Paleo, Whole30)

While shopping for ingredients to make this riceless fried rice, I locked eyes with a purse lipped, big-blue-eyed, chunky monkey baby who was staring me down with burning curiosity while slung around his mom’s flank. Babies stare at me a lot I’ve noticed. I can’t ever tell if it’s because we kinda look alike (you know, same hair, same person type thing), or maybe because I act like a turd and make faces at them when their moms aren’t looking. But when crossing my eyes and puffing my cheeks makes babies hiccup with gurgled laughter with their heavy heads swung back like little drunken nincompoops EVERY TIME, well. . .it’s kind of hard to resist the urge to do it every time you pass one. And then the biological cogs start turning and I wonder why I haven’t boarded the baby train yet.

Paleo Riceless Veggie Fried Rice

Inevitably, I will then immediately be faced with some hellion toddler that leaves sticky pawprints in its wake and coughs in its mother’s open mouth (I’ve seen this, and as a germaphobe it still wakes me up at night in cold sweats), I remember one little thing: Kids are pretty gross, and I’m not sure I’m prepared for that level of gross just yet. And then I buy more Purell.

 

In the meantime, while I wait for my neuroses to clear up (they do clear up, don’t they?), I have my cooking. And I have this fried rice. But I don’t have rice, because rice doesn’t always treat me so well, so instead I make rice cauliflower. Which, in spite of its ability to create the most noxious of gasses, is a pretty excellent substitute in this recipe. Cauliflower rice is cauliflower that’s been pulsed through a food processor until rice-sized (though, admittedly I pulse to quinoa size for faster cooking) and then used in just about any recipe calling for rice.

Paleo Riceless Veggie Fried Rice

Paleo Riceless Veggie Fried Rice

Another substitution is using coconut aminos from Coconut Secret in place of soy sauce. Soy sauce, with its high probability of containing GMO soybeans (unless you happen to use special brands of artisanal, non-GMO, traditionally fermented soy sauce as the Chinese did centuries ago) as well as a whacked out level of sodium, is tasty, but rarely a healthy addition to any dish. Observe the differences:

 

  • Soy Sauce: Made from ingredients such as wheat, soybeans, sodium benzoate (preservative), salt and aspergillis mold to help activate soy fermentation. Oh, and about 540mg of sodium per tablespoon.

- VS -

 

  • Coconut aminos: Ingredients are aged organic coconut sap with sea salt. Sodium content is 200mg less than standard soy sauce at 340mg per tablespoon. Also? It’s mega delicious.

 

Wrap it all up with mushrooms, carrots, peppers and spices, and what you’ve got is the world’s most delicious batch of riceless veggie fried rice, and I swear to god won’t ever cough in your open mouth. What a win!

 

RICELESS VEGGIE FRIED RICE

Paleo Riceless Veggie Fried Rice
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Recipe: Riceless Veggie Fried Rice (Paleo, Whole30, SCD)

Preparation time: 15 minute(s)

Cooking time: 15 minute(s)

Number of servings (yield): 8

My rating 5 stars:  ★★★★★ 1 review(s)

Ingredients

  • 1 large head cauliflower
  • 2 tbsp coconut oil
  • 1 medium onion
  • 2 carrots, diced
  • 1 green pepper, diced
  • 3 cloves garlic, minced
  • 8 oz sliced mushrooms
  • 1 tbsp ginger, grated
  • 4 large eggs
  • 1 tsp toasted sesame oil
  • 4 tbsp coconut aminos (more depending on taste)
  • 5 green onions – green part only, sliced
  • Salt to taste

Instructions

  1. Cut cauliflower head into florets and pulse in batches in a food processor until rice or quinoa sized, but do not over-pulse. Set aside.
  2. Heat coconut oil in a wok or a skillet with large sides over medium heat and sauté onion, carrots and green pepper until soft making sure not to brown them, about 8-10 minutes. Add garlic and ginger and sauté for 30 seconds.
  3. Add mushrooms and continue to sauté until mushrooms are cooked soft.
  4. Crack eggs into mixture and scramble until cooked.
  5. Add cauliflower, sesame oil and coconut oil to mixture and cook while stirring constantly.
  6. Cook cauliflower down until semi-soft, about 4-5 minutes, but do not overcook as it will begin to release moisture and may make the mixture semi-mushy. Remove from heat, mix in green onions and add salt to taste.

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Paleo Fried Pickles

Whoops, it’s been a while, huh?

 

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven’t been blogging lately and I’m going to attempt to make a very long story very brief:

 

I had been sick for a long time and reached a breaking point in my health. Realized my diet of eating chocolate cake and not much else were making me feel god damn awful. I took a few months off to fix my body and watch the ENTIRE SERIES OF GOLDEN GIRLS. Started eating a paleo “diet”, and now feel like one smooth operator.

 

During this time of healing I came to two unrelated conclusions: 1) Dorothy Zbornak was probably too big for roller coasters. 2) You can seriously paleo-ify just about anything. Like, oh, I don’t know… fried pickles?

Paleo Fried Pickles

 

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No-Bake Paleo Chocolate Cream Pie (Gluten/Sugar/Dairy-Free)

There are things in life that scare me. Like, for instance, when you’re sitting in a doctor’s office for a regular checkup and you’re asked to remove all of your clothes, but remember you wore your unforgivably ugly underwear because it’s laundry day, and you make a panicked mental reminder to find a new doctor because, clearly, you can’t face this one again.

 

But also diet things. Like, any and all diet things.  I think we can thank the ’80s for most things “diet” and “lite”, as well as for acid wash denim and the surge of needlessly long guitar solos that make most songs too awkward for karaoke.


Paleo Chocolate Cream Pie (Dairy/Grain/Sugar/Gluten free)

 

My defenses against these fears are, first, keep a healthy stock of doctor-friendly underwear, and second, combat the diet fad by making my junk food the way the food gods intended: full fat, full flavor, no shame.

 

Like this ridiculous wheat-, dairy-, egg-, gluten-, and sugar-free chocolate cream pie, for instance:

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Paleo Mashed “Potatoes”

I’m usually pretty dubious about foods presented in quotation marks. Typically it means someone’s trying to sell me something I’m not all that interested in buying. Like when I’m traveling abroad and someone offers me a “biscuit” and I’m all, “um, I’m pretty sure that’s a cookie.” These liars don’t speak in quotes, but trust me, it’s implied.

 


So why the quotes anyway? Potatoes are pretty straight forward; it’s either a potato or it isn’t. While this recipe falls under the isn’t, it’s also under might as well be, and here’s why….

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Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookies Recipe

When I made my foray into this gluten-free adventure of mine a couple months back (albeit with a few warranted cheat days) I wasn’t sure I’d ever again know the joy of burning my lips on a scorching-hot, gooey, soft and chewy chocolate chip cookie. I’d conceded to eating cookies that would make me wish the apocalypse were real. But much like when I was five and assumed Mother Theresa was a portly black woman (and also that her name was “Mother Catreesa”) I was so very wrong!

 

BEHOLD. A gluten-free chocolate chip cookie that looks, feels and tastes like a REAL CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE. None of this crumbly, dry, flavorless nonsense. I would take this cookie to bed and call it the next morning.

Gluten-free chocolate chip cookies

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Smoky Beef Heart Sliders with Spinach-Bacon Aioli

Do I like heart meat? No. No I do not. I do not like it in a box, I do not like it with a fox. I do not like it with a skunk, I do not like to eat dat junk. But in our ever-growing community of nose-to-tail consumption, it’s behooving (beHOOFing? Ugh, don’t look at me.) to find ways to eat the somewhat unconventional parts of animals and reap their nutritional benefits.

Beef heart burger with spinach-bacon aioli

 

I don’t really cook offal. Or eat offal. And it’s not that I’m not an adventurous eater, it’s just…have you seen what sweetbreads look like?

 

Certain things just make me severely uncomfortable, like gory movies and the palpable air of certain doom that follows the elderly. Or being trusted to hold small children. They’re just so breakable and I’m so very clumsy.

 

Offal doesn’t really make me feel all that much different.

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